19 things my brother said nobody should never, ever, ever do

19 things my brother said nobody should never, ever, ever do

Many of us are double tasking-busily preparing for the holidays and looking a bit to the new year-2015.  Most of us, whether we admit it or not, do a version of New Year’s Resolutions-kind of wishes, really.  I wished I weighed less, I want to speak another language, I really will use that gym membership, etc.  To feature the number 19 today, I have carefully selected 19 of the best “nevers” compiled from a list my eldest brother created.  You might consider these as you are thinking of how to enrich/bring about change your life with resolutions for 2015.

P.S.  You might glean from some of these “nevers” that our brother has lived an unorthodox life, and, I suspect, that most of these are lessons learned while enrolled in the school of hard knocks.

  1. Never guess a woman’s age.
  2. Never guess a woman’s weight.
  3. Never doubt a woman’s strength.
  4. Never pour gasoline into a post hole and throw a match in the hole.
  5. Never put yourself in the situation where all you can say is “I didn’t know it was loaded.”
  6. Never get into bed if you don’t know where your pocket knife is.
  7. Never go anywhere without a pocket knife….if that means you can’t fly on airplanes, so be it.
  8. Never loan your chainsaw or your toothbrush.
  9. Never walk on ice while your hands are in your pockets. never-no
  10. Never perform other than minor surgery on yourself. If the incision is going to be more than 2 inches long and requires more than a pint of blood, it is best left to professionals. You have to trust me on this one.
  11. Never point at a moving part on a running engine unless you are an excellent judge of distance.
  12. Never point at a running table saw blade unless you are a superb judge of distance.
  13. Never try to buy a gun if you are crying.
  14. Never say to anyone, ever, “Go ahead, shoot!”
  15. Never keep all your ammo in one place.
  16. Never forget:  [1] “If you can cut their air off for 4 minutes , they will turn loose of you.” [2] “Nobody can concentrate fully while they are being bitten by an animal or another human being”.
  17. Never run with your eyes closed.
  18. Never climb a tree…..unless you are very agile, less than 20 years of age and there is a very good reason to do so.
  19. Never stand under someone in a tree.

Would love to know which of these “nevers” struck a chord, or made you laugh out loud.  My favorite is #13.